Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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