I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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