Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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