i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
