The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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