break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
