First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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