I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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