THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
