Yo dont text me then not text me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
