Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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