you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
