Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
