remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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