My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
