NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
