weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
