how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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