he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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