i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
