Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
