HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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