and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
