It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
