I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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