At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
