chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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