do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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