I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
