i don't like sucking hair
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
