she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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