Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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