So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
