Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
