I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize