Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
