who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
