im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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