evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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