if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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