Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
