I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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