I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
