If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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