hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i believe in u and ur pee
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
