get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
