i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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