I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
