I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize