So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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