Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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