How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
4 words: hood of his car
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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