you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
