i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize