dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Randomize
