She's JV to your varsity
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
