nut hugger
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
