I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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