why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize