and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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