i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
