I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
