Swine flu. Run for my life!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
