She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
