you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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