My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
