Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The feeling are messing with the penis
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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