i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
