Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
