Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
