Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
