Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
