Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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