Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
