apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
