my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
