the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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