I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
