I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize