it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
