If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
