I accidentally burped into my bong.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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