The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
