I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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