I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize