I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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