They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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