he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize