Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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