I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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