So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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